Ki Teitzei 5773

Send away the mother bird and take the fledglings to you in order that it be good for you and that you will live long.” (Devarim/Deuteronomy 22:7)

Rabbi Yissocher Frand notes that only two of the mitzvot (commandments) in Torah promise good and long life as a reward for fulfilling them – the above mitzvah (commandment) to send away the mother bird, and the mitzvah to honor one’s parents. What do these mitzvot have in common?

Rav Yaakov Weinberg suggests that both of these mitzvot acknowledge self-sacrifice. We honor our parents because we must show that we appreciate their sacrifice of time, energy, financial resources, hearts and souls. (The Hebrew for self-sacrifice is mesirat nefesh, literally sacrifice of the soul.)

Likewise, the mother bird sacrifices for her fledglings. She will not fly away when her nest is full but would rather sacrifice her own life. If we were to capture her, we would disrespect and take advantage of the self-sacrifice of maternal instinct. When we shoo her away, we show appreciation for her self-sacrifice, in the same way we honor our parents’ self-sacrifice.

The Midrash says that sending away the mother bird is the easiest mitzvah, while honoring one’s parents is the most difficult.

The Ramban teaches that performing the mitzvah of sending away the mother bird imbues in us compassion, which is an instinctive human emotion at the sight of an animal in distress. Writes Rav Frand: “When we develop and reinforce our natural faculty of mercy through a compassionate act towards a mother bird, we will feel a stronger impulse to be merciful when we see a person suffering.” He explains that sending away the mother bird is the easiest mitzvah because it taps into a natural tendency in human nature.

On the other hand, honoring parents goes against human nature, so it is the hardest mitzvah. It requires an acknowledgement of our parents’ self-sacrifice and of the fact that we needed them to the point that we owe them our lives. The mitzvah demands that we humble ourselves and admit that as children we were neither independent, self-sufficient nor invincible. Therefore, we must show our parents eternal gratitude.

As parents, we must be prepared to sacrifice everything for our children. Eventually, our children will be mature enough to realize what we have done for them and they will be able to acknowledge our loving self-sacrifice.  For some children, this may not happen until they, themselves, become parents and we become grandparents.   

http://www.torah.org/learning/ravfrand/5757/kiseitzei.html

     

Shoftim 5773

“What man is there who is fearful and fainthearted? Let him go and return to his house…” (Devarim/Deuteronomy20:8)

This week’s Torah portion contains laws concerning warfare, including the following exemptions from going out to battle: the newly betrothed, those who have just built a house or planted a vineyard but not yet inaugurated or redeemed them, and the “fearful and fainthearted”.  Rosally Saltsman in Parenting by the Book (p. 206) suggests that this refers to someone who fears for his life either because he doesn’t have enough faith in Hashem, or he feels he is not worthy of a miracle to survive battle.

Writes Mrs. Saltsman: “Fear is a very powerful thing. Sometimes we underestimate the fears of our children. We brush off the cobwebs of their nightmares and force them to do things they are genuinely afraid of doing. Although we need to encourage them to have faith in themselves and prod them a bit when they hesitate to try new things, we should never force our children to do anything they are genuinely afraid of doing.”

There are things that children will eventually have to do: swim, go to school, stay alone at home, marry. Mrs. Saltsman advises that children can either be led gradually into these situations, or parents can wait until the time feels right. “Throwing a child into deep water either figuratively or literally will only traumatize the child,” she writes.

Mrs. Saltsman warns that forcing a child to do something for which the child is not ready can leave emotional and psychological scars.  Children should only be forced to face their fears if it is a life-threatening situation. Otherwise, we should gently coax, but never, ever coerce.

Concludes Mrs. Saltsman: “If G-d emphasized the danger of an adult going to war against his will even under His promise of protection, then surely we [parents] can relax our demands on our own children.”    

Reeh 5773

“…you shall seek out His Presence and come there.” (Devarim/Deuteronomy 12:5)

“Bend your ear and come to Me.” (Yishayahu/Isaiah 55:3)

Rabbi Yisroel Jungreis on hineni.org observes that there appears to be a discrepancy in the Torah verse. He asks why Torah does not first mention the “coming there” (going to the Temple in Jerusalem, or as Rashi notes, to the Mishkan [Tabernacle] in Shiloh) and there, in that holy place, find G-d.

Writes Rabbi Jungreis: “The Torah is teaching us a very profound lesson, one which we should incorporate into our everyday lives. If we are bent on finding G-d – no matter where we may be, no matter how far we may have distanced ourselves from Him – if we truly seek Him, we will find Him.”

On Wednesday, August 7 this year, the Hebrew month of Elul begins. Elul is an acronym for Ani l’Dodi v’Dodi Li (I am my beloved and my beloved is mine). This verse from Shir haShirim (Song of Songs) signifies our loving relationship with Hashem. According to Chassidic wisdom, during the month of Elul, G-d comes out of His palace and stands waiting in the fields, accessible and ready to greet us.

The verse immediately after the Haftorah implores: “Seek the L-rd while He may be found; call on Him while He is near.” (Yishayahu/Isaiah 55:6)

Dear parents, this is the month to intensify our Torah studies; pray with greater concentration and articulation; say blessings with precision and forethought; and do mitzvot (commandments) with more care. Let your children see how you draw close to Hashem. Show them that G-d can be found whenever we seek Him and wherever we make room for Him.

http://www.hineni.org/learn/torah-thoughts/parshas-reeh

Eikev 5773

“…man does not live by bread alone, but rather by whatever comes forth from the mouth of the L-rd…” (Devarim/Deuteronomy 8:3)

This week’s Torah portion gives us food for thought. The first part of this verse is well known, but it is the second part that provides its meaning. Technically, people can survive on bread and water, just as certain animals survive solely on grass. However, human bodies demand variety in the diet. The world accommodates us with gourmet meals, sweet treats and convenience food. But why is man unable to live by bread alone? And why do so many people eat more “bread” than their bodies need?

Writes Rabbi Stephen Baars on aish.com: “Human beings, unlike animals, need ‘meaning’ in life…This drives us to want more than just bread. Even though it is a poor substitute for real fulfillment and meaning, food is often the focus of our quest for meaning…Unfortunately, we are sometimes so badly focused that we will look to fulfill it [our quest for meaning] in the most unlikely and sometimes counter-productive places.”

Rabbi Baars explains that since people cannot live on bread alone, we will either fill ourselves with substantial and real meaning – a relationship with G-d – or we will seek unsatisfying substitutes for meaning, such as food.

Rambam includes a section on proper diet in his Yad Chazaka. He advises not to eat solely to satisfy the palate, but in order to keep the body healthy so it is able to serve G-d. Further, he counsels to eat only when hungry, and to stop eating before becoming completely full or overfilled.

As parents, we must teach our children mindful eating. They must learn to ask themselves if they are truly hungry and in need of refueling their bodies, or just bored and in a down mood, looking for stimulation in the wrong place.

http://www.aish.com/tp/b/bwb/48955786.html

Vaetchanan 5773

In this week’s Torah portion, Moshe (Moses) continues to address the people of Israel, preparing them to enter the Land of Israel.

“And you shall guard your souls very much...” (Devarim/Deuteronomy 4:15)

Rabbi Zelig Pliskin in his book, Growth Through Torah, explains that Torah here commands us to safeguard our health. He cites the Chofetz Chayim who notes that the text uses the Hebrew word nefesh, soul, and does not explicitly refer to the body. The Kabbalist Rabbi Rafael Moshe Luria explains that the nefesh is bound to the body’s material needs and it motivates our physical urges such as eating, drinking and sleeping.

Writes Rabbi Pliskin: “This [verse] comes to teach that whenever you are involved in matters pertaining to the welfare of your body, such as business matters or eating, you must be careful not to do anything that will be harmful to your soul. Before doing anything for your body’s needs, give careful thought not to do anything against the will of the Almighty.”

The Chofetz Chayim emphasizes the importance of getting enough sleep (a constant struggle for overtaxed parents). In Hebrew, the word nefesh is closely related to the word nafash, refresh or rest, as in “On the seventh day He [G-d] ceased work and rested.” (Shemot/Exodus 31:17) The soul needs time to refresh itself and must do this through sleep, or at least through rest from work and creative endeavors.

As parents, we may find that our children have a hard time going to bed and falling asleep. Younger children may fear the dark, or separation from family (if they sleep alone); older children might be over-stimulated or believe they will miss something if they close their eyes. Most parenting and sleep experts advise conducting a peaceful, ritualized bedtime routine. Torah sets one in place in this week’s portion.

“Shema Yisrael, Adonai Elloheinu, Adonai Echad.” Hear O Israel, the L-rd Our G-d, The L-rd is One. (Devarim/Deuteronomy 6:4)

“And you shall teach them to your children and speak of them when…you lie down…” (Devarim/Deuteronomy 6:7)

When we make saying Shema a part of our bedtime ritual, we ensure that we and our children feel safe and secure. We go to sleep knowing and trusting that G-d is safeguarding our rest, just as He watches over us when we are awake and responsible for safeguarding our souls.