Vayeitzei 5774

“And Yaakov saw Lavan’s (Laban’s) face, that he was not disposed toward him as [he had been] yesterday and the day before.” (Bereishit/Genesis 31:2)

Rabbi Zelig Pliskin in Growth Through Torah notes that Lavan does not say anything unkind to Yaakov;  in fact, he says nothing at all that would imply resentment or animosity. Even so, by reading his uncle’s facial expression, Yaakov is able to determine that something is bothering Lavan. (The previous verse hints that Lavan might be upset because Yaakov has become wealthy.)

Rabbi Pliskin writes that from this verse we learn the importance of noticing the facial expressions of people we regularly see. Becoming sensitive to the way people look when they are pleased or displeased enables us to recognize when our actions or words have been perceived as hurtful or offensive.

By extension, Rabbi Pliskin teaches that we must be careful with our own facial expressions. If we are thinking of something unrelated but unpleasant while speaking to someone overly sensitive, the person might wrongly imagine that we are upset or angry with him. So as not to inadvertently cause emotional pain, we should monitor our own facial expressions.

Today’s reliance on brief, written electronic communication – e-mail, texting and tweeting – poses an unprecedented communication challenge. As parents, we must ensure that our children understand the limitations of such communication. The inability to read facial expressions (or to interpret vocal inflections) may cause misunderstandings, offense and hurt feelings.

With greater opportunities for electronic communication, our children are at risk of becoming insensitive to the subtleties of facial expressions and other non-verbal communication such as body language.  As parents, we therefore must encourage our children to interact as much as possible in person with both peers and adults. We must insist that electronic devices do not distract our children, and that children focus and make eye contact during face-to-face interactions.