Ki Tetze 5771

This week's parsha contains instructions for dealing with a ben sorer u'moreh (wayward and rebellious son.) "If a man has a wayward and rebellious son, who does not obey [literally, "hear the voice of"] his father or his mother, and they chasten him, and [he still] does not listen to them, his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city, and to the gate of his place. And they shall say to the elders of his city, 'This son of ours is wayward and rebellious; he does not obey us [literally, "hear our voices"]; [he is] a glutton and a guzzler.'"

The Talmud (Sanhedrin 71a) says that there never was a case of a wayward son. Why then does Torah include instructions on how to deal with one?

Rabbi Shimon answers: "So that it should be studied and we should be rewarded [for studying it]." Even if there never was a rebellious son, we can learn about raising children from studying Torah's description of the rebellious son.

The law of the rebellious son applies only when the child is age 13 and for the next three months, that is, immediately upon his bar mitzvah, the beginning of his adulthood. This shows how important it is to provide children with a proper educational foundation. As Chiddushei HaRim says, we must put the words of Torah on the heart of the child so that when the heart opens up, the Torah found on it will sink into the receptive heart.

Rabbi Zev Leff, spiritual leader of Moshav Matisyahu, explains that Torah describes the rebellious son as not heeding the voice (kol) of his father and mother. Maharal points out that kol denotes a voice or noise, something not necessarily intelligible. The rebellious son listens to his parents when their words make sense to him, but when he does not understand their directives, he ignores them.

Writes Rabbi Leff on www.aish.com: "A child must be taught to rely on his parents' instructions and trust in their desire and ability to guide him on the proper path, even though he may not understand or grasp the wisdom of their directions. Though a parent should try to explain to the child the reasons for his directions and instructions, the child must be taught that in the end, whether he understands or not, he must accept his parents' authority."

Further, Talmud learns from the phrase, "he does not listen to our voices," that to be deemed a rebellious son, both parents must have similar voices. Both parents' guidance must reflect the same values, and they must be consistent in their instruction. If we parents do not speak with one voice, our child cannot be deemed rebellious, because the blame for his rebellious behavior is not his alone.

(Excerpted from an article by Rabbi Zev Leff. Read the article in its entirety at
http://www.aish.com/tp/i/oai/48966126.html.)