In this week's parsha, Yaakov (Jacob) blesses his sons before he dies. His blessings relate to the sons' past deeds and describe the sons' future. When he blesses Shimon and Levi, Yaakov says: "In their afam [wrath], they killed a man…Cursed is their afam [wrath], for it is mighty." Yaakov's words refer to Shimon's and Levi's revenge killing on the inhabitants of Shechem for kidnapping and violating their sister Dina.
Why did Yaakov curse Shimon's and Levi's anger?
The Sages tell us that a person filled with anger is equivalent to an idol worshiper (Shabbos 105b.) When in the throes of uncontrollable anger, a person acts without fear of G-d. Ruled completely by anger and not by reason, a raging person is capable of transgressing the greatest prohibitions, i.e., even killing another person.
One of the Thirteen Attributes of G-d is erech apayim, literally, long nose(s), the Hebrew word for nose being af, but usually translated as slow to anger. Rashi suggests that this is because when we are angry, our nostrils flare. (Shemot 15:8) By contrast, one who is slow to anger takes a deep breath through the nose and uses the powers of intellect to subdue the anger and remain in control.
The Sages teach us that we must constantly pray for help in controlling our anger. Rabbi Akiva would pray daily that he not succumb to anger: May it be Your will, Hashem, that I not become angry, and that I not anger You.
The story is told of a father who, when his children misbehaved and he was in danger of losing his temper with them, would don a special coat. He would calmly walk to the coat closet and slowly and deliberately put on the coat, painstakingly buttoning each of the dozens of brass buttons. By the time he accomplished this, his anger had subsided.
As parents, we must maintain equanimity and remain in control of our emotions. When the juice spills, when the principal calls, when the offenses are more consequential, let calm prevail, breathe, and deal rationally with the situation.
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