This week’s Haftorah (Shoftim/Judges 11:1-33)
provides a lesson in parenting through one of the most disturbing stories in Tanach.
Yiftach haGileadi (Jephthah) vows to G-d that in exchange for Israel’s victory
over the Ammonites, he will sacrifice whatever walks out of the doorway of his
house. The Haftorah concludes with Yiftach’s victory.
The story
continues: Yiftach returns home to discover his daughter (unnamed in the text)
dancing at the doorway, timbrel in hand. Yiftach rents his clothing, distressed
that he now must fulfill his vow and sacrifice his only child. (There is no
mention of Yiftach’s wife or his daughter’s mother in text or Midrash, so it is
possible that Yiftach is a single parent who has no wife to protest his troubling
decision regarding his daughter’s fate.)
Some
background on Yiftach before the rush to judgment: Yiftach is the tenth Judge
of Israel appointed not for his wisdom, but for his bravery and might. He is
the illegitimate son of a prostitute. His half-brothers (legitimate sons of
Yiftach’s father) expel Yiftach from their home. (Yiftach does not have the
benefit of good parental role models.) Yiftach goes to live in the land of Tov
(Hebrew for “good”). From this, Rabbi
Avraham Greenbaum infers that Yiftach is not a rasha (wicked man), but a
tzaddik (righteous man) with good intentions.
Writes Rabbi
Greenbaum: “The flaw lay in the fact that his [Yiftach’s] righteousness was
not combined with clear understanding of Torah. Yiftach wanted to do the
right thing, but not being a scholar he did what he imagined to be right and
brought about a terrible tragedy.” Yiftach
is not bound whatsoever by his vow, as human sacrifice transgresses Torah law,
but he ignorantly offers his daughter as a sacrifice.
Moreover, if
Yiftach had simply asked Pinchas, the high priest, to annul the vow, senseless
tragedy could have been averted. Unfortunately, Yiftach is too arrogant to
approach Pinchas for guidance. And Pinchas is too proud to approach Yiftach.
Writes Rabbi Naftali Silberberg on chabad.org: “The hubris demonstrated by
these two leaders cost an innocent girl her life.” The text is ambiguous as to whether Yiftach actually
kills his daughter, or simply condemns her to a monastic life, forfeiting
marriage and motherhood and thus terminating Yiftach’s lineage.
Besides the
obvious admonition about the gravity of making and annulling vows (especially
those involving our children), Yiftach’s story provides other valuable lessons
for parents. We should heed Pirkei Avot/Ethics of the Fathers 1:6:
appoint a rav, a Torah teacher, for ourselves. No matter how long we have been
studying Torah, or how learned we feel we are, it is simply impossible for us to
apply Torah to every situation we encounter.
A trusted, learned rabbi can help us to solve
family problems and aid us in making difficult decisions, ensuring that our
resolutions are consistent with Torah law and values. Once we find that rav, we
should never feel too proud to ask for direction, for no question is a foolish
one – only a fool fails to ask questions.
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