“I am your brother Yosef (Joseph) whom you sold into
Egypt. But now do not be sad and let it not trouble you that you sold me here…It
was not you who sent me here, but G-d...” (Bereishit/Genesis 45:4-5,
8)
In this week’s Torah portion, Yosef reunites with the
brothers who sold him as a teenager into slavery in Egypt. The brothers do not
recognize the grown-up Yosef, so when he reveals himself to them they worry that
Yosef, now an important official, will still be angry with them and will use
his power to finally avenge their malicious actions. Yosef assuages their
fears; he holds no grudge against them.
Nesanel Yoel Safran on aish.com explains how Yosef is able
to let go of any anger or grudge and forgive his brothers. He writes: “Joseph realized
the amazing truth that everyone in our lives is, in a deeper sense, [one of] G-d’s
‘messengers.’ Whatever they say or do is only because G-d is sending us some sort
of a message, and what’s the point of getting angry at the messenger?...Since
the message comes from G-d, ultimately it’s for our best.” In other words,
Yosef recognizes that what his brothers did to him so many years before was part
of G-d’s plan, so he cannot be angry with the brothers who simply carried out
G-d’s plan.
Holding on to anger and grudges can hurt even more than the
original unkindness. The ability to forgive is freeing and allows living with
less pain and greater happiness. Writes Lord Rabbi Jonathan Sacks on chabad.org:
“Humanity changed the day Joseph forgave his brothers. When we forgive and are
worthy of being forgiven, we are no longer prisoners of our past.”
As parents, instead of becoming angry when we feel wronged, instead
of holding a grudge or taking out our anger on the “messenger” (all too often
one of our children or our spouse), we must try make sense of G-d’s message. What
is He trying to get us to do differently or to think about differently? What is
He telling us about our past actions or our plans? While we cannot control the words,
actions or emotions of G-d’s messengers, we can and must control our reactions and
responses to them.
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