Vayishlach 5774

“I have ox and donkey, [a] sheep, and servant and maidservant…” (Bereishit/Genesis 32:6)

“I have become small from all the kindnesses…” (Bereishit 32:11)

In this week’s Torah portion, after twenty years working for his father-in-law Lavan (Laban) and becoming very wealthy, Yaakov (Jacob) takes his wives, children, servants and animals and heads toward Canaan.  It is time to reunite with his estranged brother, Esav (Esau). Although Yaakov has heard that Esav’s wrath has subsided, he nevertheless prepares for a less than cordial welcome. He sends ahead messengers offering gifts from Yaakov’s substantial herds and flocks.

Why is the text rendered in the singular (an ox, a donkey, etc.), when Yaakov actually has become quite prosperous, owns many animals and has many servants?

Rabbi Yisroel and Rabbi Osher Anshel Jungreis explain that this verse teaches humility and modesty. They write in Torah for Your Table: “From Jacob we learn that the material gifts that we possess should not be flaunted…Once again we find a lesson that is so important for our generation in which people feel compelled to ostentatiously display their wealth, or worse still, inflate it. Who among us does not know individuals with the constant need to brag about their latest acquisitions, be they real or imaginary?”

The Rabbis Jungreis explain why braggarts show off: they believe their worth is judged only through their possessions. They write: “Such people are spiritually and morally bankrupt. They lack self esteem and inner peace. Their entire lives revolve around trying to keep up with the latest, and topping it. But there is always someone they cannot top.”

Yaakov understates his wealth because he understands that all his possessions are gifts from G-d; he therefore takes no credit for their acquisition. In fact, he says k’tonti (I have become small) -- he is humbled by G-d’s kindness towards him.

Talmud (Sotah 5a) discusses at length the destructive power of the trait of arrogance and the importance of avoiding it. “Rabbi Chiya bar Ashi in the name of the Rav states a talmid chacham (Torah scholar) must have one eighth of an eighth of arrogance.” If arrogance is such a contemptible trait, why should a person have any amount of it? And why specifically “one eighth of an eighth”?

Rabbi Yisrael Bronstein in A Shabbos Vort cites the explanation of the Vilna Gaon, who connects this statement to the verse in this week’s Torah portion. “The term one eighth of an eighth is not a reference to a particular measure. Rather it is hinting at the eighth verse (32:11) of the eighth portion of the Torah, Vayishlach. While a talmid chacham must possess a certain amount of arrogance, it must be a very small amount.” In other words, one should have just enough pride to have self esteem; above and beyond that leads to haughtiness.

As parents, we must cultivate self-esteem in our children. We cannot do this solely by furnishing them with material possessions, for this provides only a false sense of security. Our generosity may also cause our children to believe they are more worthy than others who have less than they do. From experience, we know that acquisitions are temporary – what is here one day may be gone tomorrow.  We must teach our children that life is not about having more, but about being more. What one has may disappear; what one is, remains forever.

Vayikra 5771

This week's parsha, the first portion of the third book of the Torah, is called Vayikra, which means "He called." It begins with G-d calling to Moshe. The word Vayikra is written in an interesting way in the Torah scroll: the last letter of the word, an aleph, is written smaller than the other letters.

What is the big meaning of the small aleph?

Moshe is well aware of his exceptional qualities as a great prophet through whom the Torah is communicated. Instead of causing his head to swell, this awareness makes Moshe humble. Moshe recognizes that his abilities are given to him as a gift from G-d. He does not feel conceited; instead, he feels a compelling sense of responsibility. Thus, when Moshe records in the Torah that G-d called to him, he writes the world Vayikra with a small aleph.

As parents, we know that self-esteem is important to our children's development. How can we avoid the negative effects – conceit, hubris, complacency – of praising our children's achievements?

The most empowering knowledge we can provide to our children to boost their self-esteem is that they are part of something much greater than themselves. They are a creation of G-d, Who has great expectations for them. It is not the talents that they are born with that matter, but what they make of them. As Chana Weisberg writes on www.chabad.org, "True humility and a productive self-image do not come from denying one's talents, but rather from acknowledging that they are merely a bequest from Above, providing a channel through which to exert the greatest effort in accomplishing His will."

According to Mrs. Weisberg, the lesson of the small aleph is: Teach your children their greatness. Point out their unlimited potential, great talents and unique, individual capabilities. But at the same time, emphasize to your children that these are gifts given to them by G-d, Who wants them to use their talents to better our world – in their own, unique way. Help your children experience their largeness, but at the same time, let them feel their smallness. When they realize their responsibility and the significance of their personal attributes, they will strive to reach even greater heights.