Toldot 5772

In this week's parsha, Rivka (Rebecca) is pregnant with twins, Yaakov (Jacob) and Esav (Esau.)  "The children struggled within her; and she said 'If so, why am I thus?'...and the L-rd said to her, 'Two nations are in your womb, and two kingdoms will separate from your innards...'"  Rashi cites the Midrash that explains whenever Rivka approached Torah academies, Yaakov would struggle to exit her womb, and when she passed by idolatrous places, Esav would struggle to exit.

The Midrash implies that Yaakov's and Esav's natures are predestined from the womb. How can we explain their inborn opposing natures given that the twins share the same righteous parentage?

The Lubavitcher Rebbe explains that Esav's natural inclination toward idolatry should not be viewed negatively.  It simply means that Esav's life mission is to conquer evil rather than to cultivate good.  From birth, Esav has the potential to do evil, but he also has the potential to channel his inclinations in a positive way, as all character traits can be directed for good or bad by free will choices.  The reason G-d gave Esav his particular disposition was so that Esav could rise to the challenge and overcome his natural tendencies.  Unfortunately, Esav succumbs to his innate nature, choosing to do evil rather than good.

As parents, we must recognize that our children are born with distinct character traits.  These traits, in and of themselves, are neither good nor bad. They are shaped by the choices our children make. We must teach our children that their choices have consequences, and we must encourage them to make good choices, even if making them is a struggle.     

Chayei Sarah 5772

In this week’s parsha, Avraham sends his servant Eliezer to find a wife for Avraham’s son, Yitzchak (Isaac.)  Eliezer prays for G-d to give him a sign that he has found the right girl, and he immediately sees Rivka (Rebecca.) Eliezer believes so strongly in G-d that he immediately presents Rivka with the jewelry intended for Yitzchak’s bride, without even asking Rivka her father’s name.  When Eliezer later tells Rivka’s family about their meeting, he tells them that he asked Rivka, “Whose daughter are you?” before he “placed the ring on her nose and the bracelets on her hands.”

Why does Eliezer reverse the order of the events when he relates them to Rivka’s family?

Rashi explains that Eliezer has to do this because Rivka’s family would not have understood how he could have given jewelry to a girl without knowing who she was.  In other words, they could not have understood that Eliezer has such a deep trust in G-d that he unquestionably accepted that Rivka was the right girl for Yitzchak.  To Rivka’s family, Eliezer’s actions were irrational.  Their failure to understand his actions would have made them find his story false and label him a liar.  Sensing this, Eliezer edits his story to make it believable to people who would not accept a story about a sign from G-d.

Rabbi A.L. Scheinbaum comments that in his communication, Eliezer demonstrates perceptiveness and sensitivity.  “We must be cognizant whom we are addressing, recognizing each individual’s level of maturity, understanding and proficiency.  Once we know with whom we are speaking, we must now determine how to speak to them.  Sensitive communication is necessary in any type of relationship, be it between husband and wife, parents and children, teachers and students, or teachers and parents.  To be understood and appreciated, we must be open and sympathetic to [others’] perspectives, not just our own.”

Eliezer uses a similar sensitive and perceptive approach when he attempts to convince Rivka’s father to allow her to return with him to Avraham’s house.  “If you will do…emet (truth) with my master, tell me.”  Seforno explains that Eliezer is asking Rivka’s family “to desire the benefit and honor that was appropriate for their daughter, by allowing her to enter the house of Avraham Avinu."  Rabbi Shlomo Goldberg on www.torah.org notes that Eliezer asks Rivka’s father to do what the father knows is emet for the future of his daughter -- to allow her to pursue her true destiny, even at the cost of the father’s personal desires.

As parents, we must learn to put aside our egos and make selfless decisions that befit our children.  Only then will our children be able to pursue their unique and true destinies.

Published in honor of the bar mitzvah of Alexander Taub.

Vayeira 5772

In this week's parsha, Avraham welcomes three guest-angels. "And he [Avraham] lifted his eyes and saw, and behold, three men were standing beside him, and he saw and he ran toward them from the entrance of the tent and he prostrated himself to the ground...'Please let a little water be taken and bathe your feet and recline under the tree.
And I will take a morsel of bread, and sustain your hearts'…" Later in the parsha, Avraham's nephew Lot welcomes two guest-angels into his home in Sodom, even though Sodom's laws prohibit hachnasat orchim (welcoming guests/hospitality.) "Lot saw and arose toward them, and he prostrated himself on his face to the ground. And he [Lot] said, 'Behold now my lords, please turn to your servant's house and stay overnight and wash your feet'…"

Why did Lot feel compelled to welcome guests even though the laws of Sodom prohibited hospitality?

Rashi writes: "[Lot] learned from the house of Avraham to seek out guests." Lot lived with his uncle Avraham for forty years, and in that time he learned from Avraham how to be a good host. Despite living in a city where evil was the law, Lot could not keep himself from offering hospitality. Even after Lot left Avraham, hospitality was so ingrained in him that he couldn't act differently.

Writes Rabbi Mordechai Rhine on www.teach613.org, "Lot's story provides a great lesson to the field of parenting. The study of one's youth plays an enormous role in a child's behavior later on in life. Even if a child chooses to chart out a different type of life than his or her parents, things that were properly role modeled and ingrained in the child will rarely be forgotten. A child who witnessed great personal integrity will find it difficult to act in a way that is less than honest. A child who experienced a reverence for mentors will retain a respect for mentors (including his own parents) no matter how far he or she may stray. A child who grew up in a house of hospitality will find a natural predisposition to doing kindness even if the environment in which he is does not value such behavior."

Lech Lecha 5772

In the beginning of this week's parsha, G-d tells Avram (later in the parsha he is renamed Avraham), "Lech lecha (go forth [for yourself]) from your land and from your birthplace and from your father's house, to the land that I will show you." For Rambam and many other commentators, when Avram follows G-d's instructions, he makes a complete break from his father Terach and from Terach's idolatrous ways.

Why, then, does the previous parsha end with Avram leaving with his father? "And Terah took Avram his son and Lot the son of Haran, his grandson, and Sarai his daughter in law, the wife of Avram his son, and they went forth with them from Ur of the Chaldees to go to the land of Canaan, and they came as far as Charan and settled there. And the days of Terach were two hundred and five years, and Terach died in Charan." The implication seems to be that far from breaking with his father, Avram was continuing a journey Terach had already begun. How can we reconcile these two passages?

Most commentators, including Rashi, give a simple answer: the two passages are not in chronological order. The passage recording Terach's death is placed before G-d's call to Avram to protect Avram from the accusation that in leaving Terach, Avram failed to honor his elderly father.

Chief Rabbi Sacks provides another possibility. He writes: "Abraham's spiritual insight did not come from nowhere. Terach had already made the first tentative move toward monotheism. Children complete what their parents begin…[Terach] had set out on the long walk to the land which would eventually become holy, but stopped half way. Abraham completed the journey his father began."

As parents, we will watch our children break away from us and chart paths of their own. We can feel more secure knowing that even when our children feel they are breaking new ground, they are, in fact, living out the ideals and aspirations they learned from us. We must, however, wait until they are adults for them to realize how much of their journey they owe to us.

Excerpted from an article by Chief Rabbi Jonathan Sacks. Read the article in its entirety at http://www.chiefrabbi.org/UploadedFiles/Articals/lech5770.pdf.

Published in honor of the bat mitzvah of Jane Laurel Friedman.

Noach 5772

This week's parsha tells the well known story of Noach (Noah), the great flood that destroyed the earth, and the ark Noach built to save his family and the animals. The parsha begins: "These are the generations of Noach. Noach was a righteous man. He was perfect in his generations. Noach walked with G-d."

The world Noach was born into was so corrupt that G-d decided to destroy it. How did Noach manage to become a righteous man in such an environment?


Rabbi Shimon Felix attributes Noach's character to his father Lemech's foresight. Near the end of last week's parsha, Lemech names Noach, saying "This one will give us rest/comfort from our work/actions and from the toil/sorrow of our hands, from the earth which G-d has cursed." The Hebrew word for comfort and rest is nach, spelled the same way (without vowels) as Noach.

Rashi, Radak and other commentators see Lemech as a prophet, foreseeing a special role for his newborn son. According to them, the prophecy contained in the naming of Noach was that Noach would invent ploughs and farming implements that would help man deal with G-d's curse on the earth and ease man's workload. Ibn Ezra, in a different approach, says that Lemech prophesized that the flood would soon destroy the sinful world and that Noach would be its salvation.

Other commentators see Lemech's naming Noach as prayer rather than prophecy. S'forno writes: "[Lemech] prayed that he would bring comfort [to the world] from its [evil] actions." Rashbam notes that Noach was the first child born after the death of Adam. Lemech prayed that this new life would somehow change the sorry state of the world.

An interesting midrash tells that Noach was the first person born with opposable thumbs. Until his birth, mankind had not evolved sufficiently to make, hold, and use tools and, instead, dug the earth with paw-like hands. Perhaps Lemech saw something special in his newborn son's thumbs and appreciated this difference as something that could transform and improve the world.

All of these interpretations of Noach's naming share an important insight into parenting and parental expectations. Writes Rabbi Felix: "Lemech saw in his newborn child the possibility of greatness…Lemech saw in this new life, the engine for change, for possibility, for evolution, for salvation. And, by naming him Noach - comfort - he passed his vision, his hope for a better world, and his appreciation of Noach's ability to effect this change, on to his son…It may be that Noach grew to greatness, to stand above the rest of his generation and, literally, save the world, because he was Lemech's son, because he
was the child of a parent who imagined, prayed for, and saw in Noach the possibility of greatness, and who told Noach, by naming him, how he felt about him, and what he saw in him. This, perhaps, is how parents can try to encourage greatness in their children: by imagining it, believing it, seeing and celebrating it when it is there, and naming it."

Excerpted from the writings of Rabbi Shimon Felix, Executive Director Emeritus, Bronfman Youth Fellowships in Israel. Read the entire article at http://www.byfi.org/news/?q=node/34.

Bereishit 5772

In this week’s parsha, Adam and his wife eat the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. G-d calls to Adam and asks, “Where are you (Ayeka)?” Adam answers: “I was afraid…so I hid…The woman whom You gave [to be] with me gave me from the tree and I ate…The woman said [to G-d],‘The serpent misled me and I ate.’” 

If G-d is all-knowing, why does He ask where Adam is?  What is G-d really asking when He says ayeka?

This parsha teaches that we cannot hide from G-d.  G-d knows exactly where we are – not only what we are doing, but what we are thinking.  With His question ayeka, G-d challenges Adam to accept responsibility for his actions.  Rabbi Yisroel Jungreis and Rabbi Osher Anshel Jungreis note that the Hebrew word ayeka can be read another way, as eicha, meaning “how?”  G-d is asking Adam how he could have sinned, how he could have ignored the first and only commandment that G-d gave.  G-d is asking Adam to examine his life, his thoughts and his actions and to be accountable for them.

Instead, Adam shifts the blame to his wife, and his wife blames the serpent. Neither is willing to accept responsibility.  Neither one has the courage to say, “Forgive me, I was wrong. Let me redress this wrong."

"'Where are you?'" explains Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi, "is G-d's perpetual call to every man. Where are you in the world? What have you accomplished? You have been allotted a certain number of days, hours, and minutes in which to fulfill your mission in life. You have lived so many years and so many days. Where are you? What have you attained?"

As parents, we must teach our children to take responsibility for their actions.  We cannot allow them to blame others for their mistakes.  We must teach them from the earliest ages that their actions have consequences, and they should not make excuses.  And when they admit their wrongdoings, we should emulate G-d -- embrace them and forgive them.      

V'zot HaBracha 5772

V’zot Habracha is the last parsha of the Torah and the only parsha not read on Shabbat.  It is always read on Simchat Torah, which will be observed this year (in the Diaspora outside of Israel) on Friday, October 21. (In Israel it is observed the previous day, this year on Thursday, October 20.) The parsha contains the verse that is the first one a parent teaches a child: “The Torah that Moshe commanded us is a morasha (heritage) for the kehilla (congregation) of Yaakov (Jacob.)” 
 

Why does Torah use the Hebrew word morasha for heritage when it could have used the word nachala?  What is the significance of the word kehilla (congregation)?

Rabbi Yisroel Jungreis and Rabbi Osher Anshel Jungreis note that nachala is an inheritance that belongs solely to the heir to use as he sees fit.  By contrast, morasha is a legacy that has been given in trust and cannot be tampered with.  It must be preserved intact and passed from generation to generation.

They write: “It becomes obvious why our Sages chose this to be the first to be engraved upon a child’s heart.  Even as a parent has responsibility to pass on this heritage to his children, so the children should know that one day, they, too, will be charged with the same responsibility: to pass on the same heritage in the same manner in which they received it.”

The Rambam in Hilchot Talmud Torah (3:1) explains that morasha means that Torah belongs to and is accessible to every Jew, regardless of age, background or ability. "Israel was crowned with three crowns: The crown of Torah, the crown of the priesthood, and the crown of royalty. The crown of the priest went to Aharon and his sons… the crown of royalty was won by David…The Crown of Torah stands before all Israel, open and ready, as it states: Torah tziva lanu Moshe morasha kehillat Yaakov – anyone who wishes to take it may come along and take!"  Torah is for the entire kehilla -- young and old, rich and poor, learned and unschooled.

Rav Alex Israel writes: “And maybe this is precisely the reason that we dance together with the Torah on Simchat Torah. We dance in a circle. A circle never ends. Its end is its beginning, and then it starts again. With whom do we dance this unending circle? With other Jews, and with the Torah. This is a simple and concentrated image of our national identity card: morasha and kehilla. On Simchat Torah you know very simply that you are connected in an unending circle with Am Yisrael (the People of Israel) and with the Torah.”