Chukat 5772

In this week’s parsha, Moshe’s brother, the Kohen Gadol Aharon (High Priest Aaron), dies. “The whole congregation saw that Aharon had expired, and the entire House of Israel (kol bet Yisroel) wept for Aharon for thirty days.”   The commentators contrast Aharon’s passing with that of Moshe, recounted at the end of Torah (Devarim/Deuteronomy 34:8): “And the sons of Israel (B’nai Yisroel) wept for Moshe in the plains of Moab for thirty days...”

Why is the mourning said to be greater for Aharon than for Moshe, though both mourning periods last thirty days?

Rashi explains: “[Both] the men and the women [mourned for Aharon], for Aharon would pursue peace and instill love between parties to a quarrel and between a man and his wife.” In his commentary on the death of Moshe, Rashi explains that although B’nai Yisroel ordinarily means Children of Israel, male and female, here it refers only to the men.

There is further clarification in the Midrash, Avot d’Rabbi Natan 12:3-4: “Why did Israel cry for Aharon for thirty days? Because…he never said to any man ‘you sinned’…[as opposed to] Moshe who rebuked them harshly.”  The Midrash tells that Aharon convinced sinners to change their ways simply by greeting them with a smile. They wouldn’t be able to sin knowing that the next time they saw Aharon they would have to return his greeting.

The Midrash also recounts that when two people argued, Aharon would talk to the parties separately and get them each to “dispel the ill feeling from his heart.” Thousands of couples named their sons Aharon to acknowledge that Aharon had made peace and reunited the husband and wife.

As parents, except in the most serious situations, we should avoid using harsh language to rebuke our children. Instead, we should follow the advice of Rabbi Hillel (Pirkei Avot 1:12) “Be among the disciples of Aharon, loving peace and pursuing peace, loving people and bringing them closer to Torah.”

Shemot 5772

In this week’s parsha Moshe (Moses) is born in Egypt. Torah tells that “a man of the House of Levi went and married a daughter of Levi.”

Why doesn’t Torah name Moshe’s parents at this point in the narrative, but only five chapters later (Amram and Yocheved, in next week’s parsha) when Moshe has already reached adulthood and it is established that he will lead the Jews out of Egypt?

The reason Torah does not name Moshe’s parents at this point is because Torah wants the world to know that Moshe is a regular person born to regular parents. While in other cultures and religions, leaders are believed to be descended from gods, Judaism makes it clear that our leaders are human and descended from ordinary people. All of us have the potential for greatness.

Moshe’s mother is, in fact, named in this parsha, but we only know this from the Midrash. Torah says: “Now the King of Egypt spoke with the Hebrew midwives, the one who was named Shifra and he second, Puah.” Midrash says that Shifra is Moshe’s mother and Puah is his sister, Miriam. These courageous women defy Paroh’s (Pharoah’s) orders to kill all newborn Jewish male babies. Moshe’s mother gives birth to him and hides him for three months. Then, she lovingly places him in a basket in the Nile River and Miriam watches as Paroh’s daughter retrieves him. Miriam offers her mother as Moshe’s nursemaid and Moshe’s mother raises him until he is old enough to move into Paroh’s palace.

After being raised in the Egyptian palace, Moshe goes into the field and sees an Egyptian smiting a Jew. “He looked this way and that way, and when he saw there was no man, he smote the Egyptian.”

The literal interpretation is that Moshe looks to see if anyone is watching. When he determines that there is no witness, Moshe defends the Jew. Rabbi Avi Weiss has a different explanation. He writes on www.torah.org; “Moshe was raised in an Egyptian home, but nursed by his biological Jewish mother. As a consequence, Moshe was unsure who he really was. When seeing an Egyptian smiting a Jew, he looked within himself to ascertain whether he should help the Egyptian or defend the Jew. When he fully grasps that he had not firmly established his identity, he makes a decision – he smites the Egyptian part of himself and declares – I am a Jew.”

Nursed by a Jewish mother, and following the example of her bold and courageous actions to protect the Jewish people, Moshe stops wavering, identifies himself and steps in to make a difference.

As parents, we must make certain that we do not waver, and that we identify ourselves boldly and clearly as Jews.  Our confidence and certainty will do much to ensure that our children are secure in their identities as Jews.

Chukat 5771

In this week's parsha, Miriam dies and the miraculous travelling well of water (which G-d provides in her merit) disappears. The people complain to Moshe that there is no water to drink. G-d instructs Moshe: "Take the staff and assemble the congregation, you and your brother Aharon, and speak to the rock in their presence so that it will give forth its water. You shall bring forth water for them from the rock and give the congregation and their livestock to drink.  Moshe took the staff from before the L-rd as He had commanded him. Moshe and Aharon assembled the congregation in front of the rock, and he said to them, 'Now listen, you rebels, can we draw water for you from this rock?' Moshe raised his hand and struck the rock with his staff twice, when an abundance of water gushed forth, and the congregation and their livestock drank.  The L-rd said to Moshe and Aharon, 'Since you did not have faith in Me to sanctify Me in the eyes of the children of Israel, therefore you shall not bring this assembly to the land which I have given them.'"

What is the nature of Moshe and Aharon's sin that they receive the severe punishment of not entering the Land of Israel?

The precise nature of Moshe and Aharon's sin, for which G-d charges them with not believing in Him, is enigmatic, and is addressed by nearly all commentators. According to Rashi, the sin is that Moshe strikes the stone instead of only speaking to it, as G-d had instructed; according to Maimonides, it is that Moshe gets angry, and says, "Hear now, you rebels."

Chassidic Master Rabbi Levi Yitzchak of Barditchev sees Maimonides' and Rashi's explanations as two sides of the same coin. If a leader's influence on the community is achieved through harsh words of rebuke, then his relationship with the environment is likewise: he will have to forcefully impose his will on it to get it to serve his people's needs and their mission in life. If, however, he influences his community by lovingly uplifting them to a higher place so that they, on their own, will desire to improve themselves, the world will likewise willingly yield its resources to the furtherance of his goals. (See http://www.chabad.org/parshah/in-depth/default_cdo/aid/45616/jewish/In-Depth.htm.)

As a leader, Moshe should never have harshly admonished the people or used physical force to emphasize a point. He would have been more effective, and indeed been able to penetrate stubborn hearts of stone, had he employed calm, non-abusive verbal communication rather than anger and physical force.

As parents, we must carefully choose the words and actions we use to rebuke our non-compliant children. There should be no name-calling, no demeaning, and under no circumstances must we ever substitute or accompany these words with physical force.

Korach 5771

In this week's parsha, Korach stages a rebellion and tries to overthrow Moshe and Aharon. The parsha opens "And Korach took…" Korach "took" the people with lies and manipulation and persuaded 250 men to follow him. Moshe's reaction to this confrontation is revealing: "Moshe heard and fell on his face [in prayer.] He spoke to Korach and to all his company, saying, 'In the morning, the L-rd will make known who is His…'"

What can we learn from Moshe's response to confrontation? What is the deeper meaning of the wait for morning?

Instead of expressing anger and lashing out against his attackers, Moshe tries to reason with them. The Hebrew word for "morning" is boker. Rabbis Yisroel and Osher Anshel Jungreis note that boker is closely related to the Hebrew word bikoret, which means "to clarify" or "to investigate." They conclude that Moshe hopes his adversaries will "sleep on it" before they act – that they will examine their motivation and reconsider their evil plans. From this, we learn that we should not act rashly to counter our opponents. We should try to make peace by asking them to investigate, find clarity and hopefully they will abandon their opposition plans overnight.

As parents, we should take Moshe's approach to avoid strife and achieve reconciliation within our families. Instead of speaking in anger, instead of acting impetuously, instead of condemning, we should bite our tongues, swallow our false pride and fight our impulse to engage in altercation. The Talmud (Sanhedrin, 110A) proclaims: "Anyone who engages in divisiveness transgresses a Divine prohibition, as it is written [in this week's parsha]: 'And he shall not be as Korach and his company.'" Rather, we should emulate Moshe and do as the psalmist recommends: "Seek peace and pursue it."